Woes of a Hopeless Romantic

A hopeless romantic believes in fairytales and true love.  Hopeless romantics are the imaginative, the idealists, and the sentimental dreamers.  They often live with rose-colored glasses on.  They make love look like at art form.  They are in love with love.
             - Urban Dictionary (revised)

I would like to start off by saying that in our society today, I am doomed.  Not only am I innocent and naïve - lacking experience and knowledge about the truth of the world - I am also plagued by social anxiety, idealism, and to top it all off, I’m a raving hopeless romantic.

I fall hard and fast for any guy that I find fits into the shoes of any romantic comedy male lead ever.  As we slowly work towards becoming friends, I begin to daydream multiple scenarios, both good and bad, about the two of us as a couple, always following the guidelines laid out in most romance novels.  And, finally, just as I’m ready to throw away my shell and spill all of my feelings to said crush …

The screen of naïveté falls away and I find myself standing in the barren, desolate wasteland that is reality.  I realize that I thought this guy was romantic because this act is how he gets laid.  I find out that he pursues nothing in a girl past her physical aspects.  I understand that “relationships” in this society are by my definition a dying practice.

I back away.

As this cycle repeats itself over and over again, I lose more and more hope that I will actually have my first boyfriend before the age of twenty-five.  Hence the term “Hopeless Romantic.”

I think too many people in the world settle for meaningless relationships in order to fill their subconscious desire for love.  In this society, we are so afraid to put ourselves out there because of negative labels such as “nerd, geek, weird, strange, annoying, clingy” etc.  So we connect over instant messaging.  We bond over pictures that disappear in seven seconds.  Instead of a date, we say, “wanna hang out?” which is really just code for, “wanna hook up?”  We remain in label-free “relationships” that end the moment we know each other well enough to let love sneak in.

Often, my problems with modern dating are labeled as a fear of intimacy, all to do with my religion, exaggerated expectations, and even asexuality.  I like to call it existing in life as it is and seeing it for what it could be. 

All I ask for in a relationship is love.   And that doesn’t necessarily mean opening doors for me or buying me presents on my birthday.  It means that I can knock on your door after a long hard day and you won’t be too busy to give me a hug.  It means that I can spend hours with you just talking and laughing.  It means that small things in your everyday life remind you of me.  It means that I can tell people you're my boyfriend.  And it means that I am also all of these things for you.

I guess I live in the wrong time.

But the greatest thing about being a hopeless romantic is that we are not alone.  The world “hope” is in our name and we never fail to live up to it.  Eventually, we will meet someone who understands us.  And when we do, it will have been worth the countless mistakes and frustrating patience. 

The hardest part is never knowing when that person will show up.  Let the waiting commence!

Living With Fairytale Syndrome

It doesn’t matter what you look like or how tall you are.  It’ll be okay if the person of your dreams is your total opposite.  Your own personal prince charming will respect all of your values and will not push you to go any faster or further than you are willing to go.  True love will overcome all obstacles.

These are normal, everyday thoughts for a sufferer of Fairy Tale Syndrome.  If you believe you may be afflicted, brace yourself, for I’m about to expose the truth. 

Not everyone thinks this way.

Now, take a deep breath and let’s continue.  Fairytale Syndrome is described (by Urban Dictionary Definition #2) as 

The belief that it’s possible to have the perfect relationship with a partner.  A relationship that’s equal to the hopelessly romantic ones seen in movies.  A relationship that will remain forever innocent.

I am a sufferer of Fairytale Syndrome.  It is very common in naïve young women.  It’s a beautiful way of life until you inevitably realize that you’re living a lie.  Then you suddenly begin to find yourself spending hours staring at a wall in the grips of an emotional crisis and pouring over inspirational quotes in an effort to keep from having a panic attack.

This is the story of my battle with Fairytale Syndrome.  For as along as I can remember, I have been very shy.  Because I lacked the natural talent of communication, I was forced to teach myself the ways of the world through books and movies.  There were many positive effects, as through my studies I found out how to behave in a way that would make people like me.  I slowly opened up and even considered myself somewhat outgoing by the end of my senior year in high school.  I had thought I had it all figured out.

But I was living in the glass box of deceitful hopeless romanticism.  When I entered college, the glass was shattered, and I was left exposed in a world of sadness and corruption.  A world where there were no relationships as I had thought of them, where innocence was a bad trait, and love didn’t exist.  A world that was the polar opposite of the world I had worked so hard to earn my place in.

The worst part of Fairytale Syndrome is the knowledge that this is only the beginning and you can never go back.

But you can go forward.  Once you are no longer blinded by the Syndrome, you can choose your own path.  Now you now that there is sadness, but there is also happiness.  Evil does exist, but so does goodness.  Hate is strong, but love is ten times as powerful. 

Finally, you get to be the author of your very own fairytale.

As with any good fairytale, you will have to overcome obstacles.  There will be evil witches and fire-breathing dragons along the way.  Wolves disguised as charming princes may try to deceive you.  You will constantly question your decision to live such a life.  But when you finally set down the pen and close the back cover, you will be able to look back on the best story of them all.  A true story.

The Dream of Happiness

About a year and a half ago, amidst a storm of teenage hormones and high stress levels courtesy of the college application process, I asked a person who was very important to me if they were happy.

I didn't get a straight answer, but instead something that threw me just a bit.  This very important person immediately said to me, "I don't like that word.  This table is happy, this piece of chicken is happy.  It doesn't mean anything."

I don't remember every part of the conversation, but that bit stood out to me.  I don't recall this person going on to say anything about enjoying or being content with their life.  Just that they never use the word "happy."

"Happy" is the most important word in my world.  It is a word that has become synonymous with my name to my friends and family.  It is the single word that defines my life's aspirations.  "Happy" is me.  I am happy.

The moment the words, "It doesn't mean anything," were uttered by this very important person, my world froze for a moment.  My heart cried out to this person across the table.  I was being told that true happiness doesn't exist.  Dreams don't come true.  Life sucks.

Never in my life have I felt more distant from another human being.

I believe in happiness.  Dreams do come, love is found all around us, and life is beautiful. All one must to do see it is believe.  Believe with all your heart, mind, and soul, and anything can happen.

Perhaps I am just a naive young girl who really knows nothing of the world.  Maybe I'm following a hopeless dream that will never see the light of day.  I might be truly insane.  I could be a lot of things, but none of that matters because I believe and I am happy.

My dream, above all else, is to share happiness with the world.  I want others to believe in the beautiful world I see.  I want to share the universe I live in.  This is my dream for everyone.